I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
