I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
