im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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