is your mom at the bar?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
