They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
