I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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