I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
