I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
