that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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