He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
