One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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