I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I deserve to be covered in dicks
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
