sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
