hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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