Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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