I'd wear matching sweaters with you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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