I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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