I think my fart just growled at me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize