I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize