i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
