i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
