official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
