i don't like sucking hair
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
