every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
