id be glad to
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
