I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
