so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
