Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
