wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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