Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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