this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
