so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
