hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
