So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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