an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
