I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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