we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
