Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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