i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
