You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
