I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
