Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
