Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
