And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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