Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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