Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
