Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
