I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
