one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
