U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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