k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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