separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
two words...techno handjob
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They took my balls.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
