I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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