My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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