It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
