Swine flu. Run for my life!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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