You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
