woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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