Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
