When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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