Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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