my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
