Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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