Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pants are for mortals
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
