Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
